Grandma's Road to Germany - Part Two... A trial by hot Coles and Owen goals

What was I worrying about? England breezed through their first group game, Sven opting for the hotshot pairing of Downing and Hargreaves leading the attack.
England didn’t have it all their way, oh no, a player called Quavers came close on a few occasions, and Santa Cruz was not that far.

Mr Sven is gambling with England’s best chance of winning the World Cup for decades. In interviews the tanned Mekon laughs off any accusation of risk. Blaming the heat, and giving players special time with their families as a reward for their bad performances.

The player’s wives and girlfriends have been making impressive moves off the pitch, taking the local boutiques of Baden-Baden by storm.
Six of them spent £4,000 during a one-hour shopping spree. Rooney’s girlfriend, Coleen, spent the most money on designer items at Monika Scholz, the most expensive boutique in the area. The women chalked up an additional grand on shoes and shirts during a 10-minute period, then retired for drinks. 'I hope England plays well' said Peter Maalassa of Monika Scholz.

Next up is the Soca Warriors. THIS WILL NOT BE AN EASY GAME. I’ve spent many years studying the behaviour of Trinidadians, touring with the Flamingos Steelband. The local people thought I was a witch and tried to hang me. G'ma x

Remember, we’re taking on two countries, which is cheating.